A: It depends on how you do it, and how long you’ve been single. (I presume you’re talking about the sexual connection with your new partner, not the hand-holding kind :-). )
Note: This post is geared towards men, as a man has asked the question.
Let’s face it. No one knows how to get you off as efficiently as you do. Some people fall in rut during a long partnerless stretch, getting used to coming quickly and always in the same way. Being with the same partner for a long stretch, even if it’s only yourself (and maybe a sex toy or two) makes it easy to become lazy and just race to an orgasm. If your body gets comfortably used to this “perfected orgasm”, it may become harder to get there while fumbling with another person.
If you’re regularly masturbating in a way that’s very different from intercourse, you may also find that partner sex simply feels too different to maintain an erection or take you over the edge. “Death grip” is a common example – a good number of men masturbate without lube and using a very tight hold. Even the tightest pussy can’t compete with the rough intensity of a dry fist (brrr… talking about self-abuse).
There are different masturbation techniques you can play with to prepare yourself for being back in the game, and some can even improve it – masturbation is a great training tool for people who want to learn to last longer, for example.
Mix it up
Don’t always do the same thing. Invest some time and money in a good lube (Good Vibes has a great selection of lubes and stroke creams developed specifically for masturbation). Take your time, pick different places and times to masturbate (it’s for a reason it’s called “playing with yourself” – so really play!). Experiment with a varied touch, try some masturbation sleeves, maybe even a vibrator. They’re not just for women. Be gentle to yourself, touch other parts of the body too- stroke your nipples, inner thighs, between your legs, play with your balls. Play at starting and stopping, trying to last as long as you can… you will be rewarded with longer pleasure and more intense orgasms.
Train for partner sex
If you’re used to hard and fast self-play, you might want to teach yourself to enjoy an experience closer to intercourse too. There are many masturbation sleeves out there that feel very close to the “real thing”. Fleshlight is one of the best known high quality sleeves of that kind, and it comes in vulva and anal model, and even as the whole stamina training package with instructions (hint – just buy the Stamina Fleshlight, you don’t need the whole expensive shebang). Don’t forget lube!
In the beginning, it might be harder to reach orgasm this way, but over time you’ll reset your nerve endings, and be ready to have all kinds of fun with your next partner.
If you find yourself with a partner before you’re ready for a co-pilot, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with slipping your hand down there and stroking before, after and while you’re having partnered sex. All kinds of experts have been telling the same thing to women since the 70’s… you too an take advantage of the sexual liberation… and some of us get very turned on by watching our partners masturbate :-D. Try to ease up to hands-free sex over time though, just for practice… It’s nice to have options.
Once you have a partner, show her (or him) what feels good. It’s hard to figure it out without your guidance. Masturbating is such fun, and masturbating together, or each other, is awesome too!