Most of us are familiar with the story of a powerful corporate lion groveling at the feet of a dominatrix-for-hire on his time off.
But, when a powerful woman wants to get some sexy, subby, tied and used “me-time”, she’s a gender traitor?
This weekend, I run into two feminist articles dealing with sex, power and gender politics – one by a brave but conflict ridden submissive feminist, another asking if a woman can be sexual and “liberated” at the same time. Argh! Let me pull up my soap box…
I’m a woman, a CEO, sexually voracious, switch (both top/sadist and submissive/masochist though I tend to be the top most of the time), and “not-a-feminist” for some. The issue of equality simply never affected my personal life – maybe because I think of myself as a *person*, not a gender, and people I interact with do the same. Having big boobs is simply a fun bonus.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in and work on the issues of equality – but this is about ALL equality; gender, racial, class, orientation, religious (and atheist).
What makes BDSM so great is that it’s about *trust*, not just the mind-bending pleasure and lots of delightful props (ropes and locks and ball-stretchers… oh my!). It’s about trust in your partner, and trust in yourself. You have to have power first, in order to give it up – maybe this is why we’re finally having this dialogue, as women do have more power now.
It’s ok to give up the power from time to time – in fact, this could be interpreted as the ultimate “arriving”. You volunteer to give up the power only if you’re secure enough in it…
Being a boss and having your ass whupped from time to time – it just makes for a well rounded person.
Me, a sex object
I always enjoyed being sexy, but didn’t give a damn about fashion (I never starved myself or wore stupid stuff just because it’s fashionable; only wore stupid stuff because *I* liked it). I’m very sexual and don’t feel that this in any way lowers my “value” as a person. I simply like to get laid a lot, and I do :-).
Throughout my life, I’ve never found myself looked down on or discriminated against based on this, except for a very, very few people whose opinion I didn’t care for anyway. Not even while stripping, or being a phone-sex operator.
Being “objectified” is just an unfortunate turn of the phrase. Many women would get pissed off at “You are my sex object”. How many would complain at a poetic “You are the object of my desire”? Same thing, ya know.
No victims here
I’ll not allow anyone to dictate what is appropriate or not for me to want or do, except for my own conscience. This goes for feminists as much as for evangelists. The freedom of an *individual* is what its all about, not belonging to another group that would tell me what I’m supposed to be like.
If you’re discriminated against based on *anything*, by all means fight for your rights, with me right next to you – but call me a victim, and I’ll laugh in your face.