Lovings Lounge

Q: My girlfriend of course loves to get it, but hates to reciprocate. Any ideas on how to get her to do it more often?

A: Love it myself - the intimacy and the power of it both! Nothing can make a man putty in your… hands… like a mind blowing, er, blow. Many women love giving it. Others can take it or leave it. Some don’t like it at all. Kinda like cheddar.

Talk to her in a neutral way about it. Ask her which parts are ok, and which are not. Ask her, after assuring that she feel safe and encouraged to speak freely, if there are any bad past experiences, or other reservations. Talk about what it means to you, and how it makes you feel. Talk! Talk!! After all, all great sex starts with a lot of tongue action. (As in communication. Get your mind out of the gutter .)

Make sure you’re squeaky clean. Give her full control of the experience - sit or lie down and let her move freely. This way she can lose any fear of gagging. Start slowly - she can use a hand and her mouth at the same time, which will also give her the feeling of being in control (*both* hands all over make it even better… after much research, I believe that 4 hands would be just right ).

Is it swallowing that she hates? Warn her in plenty of time when you get close, and compromise by a hand finish (and hey, taste it yourself - might be there’s a taste problem. Smoking, alcohol, mild bladder or other infections, abstinence and some foods can make the taste pretty pungent).

Talking about taste, Good Vibes have just gotten in some mighty yummy flavored lubricants/body oils (Creme Brulee rocks!). Maybe she’d have more fun with a lollypop that tastes like one, hmm?

Lots of people have a lot of hang ups about sex (I had a boyfriend who always asked me to use mouthwash after going down on him or he wouldn’t even lie face to face with me… weird). As much as I hate to admit it, this is perfectly all right too. If this is the case, she can choose to hold on to a hang up, or choose to change - but it has to be *her* choice. Just like it’s your right to choose what to do about it - give up, put a lot of energy into working out a compromise (couples counselors are not just for marriages that are falling apart), negotiate other outlets, cheat or leave. However, remember that some people simply don’t like oral sex, just like some don’t like basketball but love baseball.

I’m not the person you need to talk with - talk to her, and don’t settle for off-the-cuff answers.

Good luck!